Speculations on Everything and Not Much

I contemplate on what the one item Mom had not done that she wished accomplished. If it was mine, perhaps, I easily think of one thing that these months of caregiving have enabled me to accomplish. I again see the good side of people where before I skewed toward a darker view.

Over years working in nursing homes, one sees people basically abandoned there by their families. Sometimes these families visit on Christmas or Mother’s Day, and abuse staff to pretend they cared. They may fool themselves; they don’t fool staff—or their loved one. There are also residents who abuse staff because they are finally in a position of some power, and use it. All my life, I have not suffered petty tyrants easily.

Among the many residents of nursing homes are those few who are true angels, and no doubt they were before arriving at this final residence in life. If the greatest service one can perform in life is to be a good example, these few are our saints. Some, even as dying, often painfully because of allergies to effective pain-killing medications, remained gracious and grateful, especially toward staff. Though I recognize these saints, the darker experiences overwhelmed me, weighing too heavily on my outlook. I was sinking to a darker place.

These months caring for Mom calmed this tendency, allowing me to see at gut level that most people are merely doing the best they can, even when their best isn’t very good. There also walk among us a very few I label authentic people. What you see is what you get, kindness and consideration with strangers as with family members. I am happy to report I now know these few exist and recognize them when I see them. My refurbished outlook comes with an absence of previous pain from only seeing the dark side.

I do not know if this is the one thing Mom wished accomplished before leaving, but it is a worthy Mom-thing in my eyes.