Lasting Precious Moments

When John went into Mom’s room a 3:30 a.m. to give her medication, she smiled at him, took a couple of more breaths, and left. In the last few days, this had been the pattern. She would take some juice, some liquid food, her medication, and we would assist her in turning from side to side. Each time she would say something: “I love you,” “That was good.” She looked us directly in the eye and smiled a smile that could only be described as pure love and appreciation. These are moments we shall carry with us forever. These are a great gift.

Les, too, spoke of such special moments he and Ruth shared when they were here visiting. She shared a moment with Barbara, her nurse and case manager in the first months of hospice care. The two had a special relationship, stemming perhaps from both being brilliant and professionally driven, plus both returning to school for advanced degrees as their children approached maturity.

I suspect that one last accomplishment Mom mentioned ten days before may well have been a book Mom wanted Barbara to have. The author had autographed the book, and Barbara had returned it or given it to Mom accompanied with a warm note Mom cherished. When Barbara had visited a couple weeks ago, we could not locate the book, so Barbara had not taken it. Barb was unable to return the following week as planned, but when Barbara did come back, the book was delivered and Mom relaxed.

Typical of Mom was guidance given others, often when others did not realize they were receiving it. It was a deeper level of communication that may not have been conscious to the recipient, but effective on a deeper, longer-term level. Mom had an almost unique ability to read people, easily analyzing how and why of their driving forces and self-impediments, then from her mentoring self, provide some queue that assisted the recipient in progressing.

Although the book was not especially extraordinary, I suspect it served as the tangible symbol of something deeper that Mom wished to communicate to Barbara—the encouragement and approving happiness for Barb's path and Barb herself. She saw Barb as extraordinary and wished to communicate that to Barb.

We have all received such gifts from Mom, even though we may not recall exactly what, and may very well not recognized them at the time. It is said the greatest kindnesses are those provided anonymously, and Mom was a constant fountain of such. If the greatest service is to be a good example, she succeeded both magnificently and better than we know.

We shall miss her, but through her gifts, she is still very much here.